03 August 2012

FEMININE LATTE: In God's Perfect Time

A friend of mine once said that women seem to have the unfortunate privilege of facing never-ending pressures in life. 

Just imagine... the moment you reach your adolescent stage,  that's when you start to feel conscious of what other people would think or say about you.  It all begins gradually ofcourse.  First, you compare your physical development, suddenly realizing that you are still wearing beginner's bra when others are already using larger-sized cup.  Then you start to get interested in the opposite sex but when unreciprocated, you wonder "how come nobody seem to be interested in me?". 
Then there's that stage where your friends would ask if you have suitors "are you dating anybody?"... "is someone courting you right now?".... And from there.. "do you have a boyfriend?. 

Soon after, you finally do get into a serious relationship.  The next thing you know, you will be asked, "when do you plan to get married?" ...  And once you do get married, you will be asked, "are you pregnant?" ... "how many kids do you have?".  And the list could go on and on. 

In life, we oftentimes find ourselves faced with a never-ending list of dreaded questions.  But what is it that actually makes these questions frustrating?  Personally, I think that it is not the questions that we dread, rather, it is the answers to these questions that we fear.  

Not knowing where life is leading us can be one of our greatest anxieties in life.  Most especially when others seem to have the answers and we don't.   It is even more frustrating having to witness how others can just seem to breeze through life smoothly while we struggle with each new step we need to take.  But these are basically the mysteries life has to offer. 


I've been in this situation many times.  I never had a boyfriend since birth.  All through my highschool and college life, I never really had a serious relationship.  It didn't actually bother me since I was not feeling alone.  Until one by one, my friends started to get into relationships.  One day i just realized.. 'wait, am I the only one in the group without a boyfriend?'.  And that's when the dreaded questions began.  For years, I would go out with my friends as a third wheel, walking a step behind my coupled friends, sitting all alone at the backseat of the car. 

At 24, I met someone.  And he turned out to be "the one".  Finally, I have someone and all the dreaded questions came to an end.  Or so I thought... Years went by and people expected us to bring our relationship to the next level - marriage.  The dreaded questions began again - "when are you planning to get married?".  There was a point when I even programmed myself to reply , "why don't you ask him", referring to my boyfriend.  And so there I was simply waiting... not knowing when to begin a new chapter in my life.
 
Three years into the relationship, my boyfriend popped the question and with a ring on my finger, gone are the dreaded questions.  We got married and settled down.  A year into our marriage, I got pregnant but suffered a miscarriage 8 weeks into the pregnancy.

After some time, most of my married friends were getting pregnant one after the other.  And ofcourse, the dreaded questions are back.  "Do you have kids?"

This is precisely where I am now.  Still waiting... waiting for that wonderful oppportunity to be a mother.*

One thing I realized is that these so-called pressures in life and striving to live up to certain expectations are most of the time all in our mind. It may be coming from other people, but sometimes these are mere products of unsolicited concern from others. It may appear that people can be insensitive without them actually intending to.  But we allow these pressures to put ourselves down, polluting our self worth and confidence.   

The most important thing I have learned from all these is that the best way to face up to these pressures in life is to remain confident thar no matter what, the best is yet to come.  And once it finally does, it will be the greatest thing we can ever experience in life.

Let's face it.  Those dreaded questions will always be there. But there's no point avoiding these. It will always be impossible to come up with 101 excuses hoping to give a satisfying answer - to others and to ourselves. 

No matter how long I wait, whatever situation I may be in, however pressured I may be, there can only be one perfect answer to all those dreaded questions... that everything will happen in God's perfect time. 

(*journal entry March 2006, a year before I got pregnant with my first-born son, Mico)

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