On Marriage and Fidelity

The Legal Wife, My Husband’s Lover, No Other Woman, The Mistress… They all deal with infidelity. It’s often a hot topic among men and women struggling in their married lives. It trends on social media, garners high ratings on TV and at the box office, and has become an overused plot in novels, movies, and TV programs.

Some people would probably think that this is practically normal these days. Married couples splitting up, children being raised in single-parent households… Perhaps that’s why others believe that what we see in the media only reflects what is actually happening in society.

I am not intending to condemn or judge anyone. However, I wish to share a piece of my mind and heart in proclaiming the beauty of marriage as a lifetime commitment.

For me, marriage is a great responsibility, something we have to take seriously. I say this because I have personally witnessed inspiring stories of love between two imperfect individuals, commitment in the midst of struggles, acceptance despite weaknesses, and forgiveness prevailing over pain.

Pope John Paul II’s teachings on the Theology of the Body have this to say about marriage:

First, marriage should remind us that we are made to be in a relationship with others. In a practical way, this teaches us to see ourselves—both body and soul—as a gift to be given in love to another person. Often, marriages tend to fail when we look at this concept the other way around—when we focus more on what we can get out of our relationship with the other person rather than what we can give.

Second, realizing that we are called to be a “gift” to others, married couples should be able to make decisions with the other person in mind. Day by day, we are called to sacrifice some of our own needs and desires in order to serve and love our spouse.

Finally, marriage is meant to be exclusive. From that very moment we vow to love one another until death, we share a certain kind of bond that would be impossible to duplicate with someone else. Married couples are called to give themselves fully to one another, without holding anything back. It is not about giving a part of ourselves to one person and another part to someone else. It is, in fact, a full giving of oneself solely to one’s spouse.

Whenever I think of my own married life, I think of it as a journey towards becoming the person I am meant to be.

I’m not perfect, sinless, or spared from trials and temptations. My life is not always happy, nor is it problem-free. Life with my spouse can be challenging, but I guess that’s also what makes the journey worthwhile.

The reality is, marriage will always be a work in progress. One person cannot do this on his or her own. It takes two to make it work and three to make it last.

Yes, there is always a third party in every marriage.

And that is God.