When i first met Noli, i felt nothing. Contrary to what i thought i would feel - heart pounding so fast... lost for words... knees getting weak... butterflies in my tummy ... But i was perfectly normal.
But somehow I knew in my heart that there was something different, something special about him.
My mom totally adored him... i thought to myself perhaps he was more of an answered prayer to her than mine. It was difficult for me to accept him considering what I know of his past relationships. I was in denial for quite some time of the fact that he could be the one i was waiting for.
He wasn't my ideal man... but he seemed perfect for me. Like we just fit in together, complimenting each other's emotional needs. I know that i still have a lot to discover about him but somehow i just knew that he was God's gift to me.
My mind could not comprehend what my heart sincerely felt. Or maybe i was blinded by so much fear... fear of opening my enclosed heart. Yes, it was definitely fear. I was so afraid to appreciate this person who was willing to love me for who I am.
But there was another kind of fear within me. I'm afraid that if i don't face up to my feelings for Noli... he might walk away. I might lose this chance to love and be loved for the rest of my life.
And so after months of prayer and discernment, i finally opened my heart to my first boyfriend. He came into my life at the right time and perfect moment believing that my heart was ready.
I have fully entrusted everything to God and i have faith that He will take care of my heart.