19 October 2000

A CUP OF LOVE: Meant To Be


When i first met Noli, i felt nothing.  Contrary to what i thought i would feel - heart pounding so fast... lost for words... knees getting weak... butterflies in my tummy ... But i was perfectly normal.  
But somehow I knew in my heart that there was something different, something special about him. 

My mom totally adored him... i thought to myself perhaps he was more of an answered prayer to her than mine.  It was difficult for me to accept him considering what I know of his past relationships.  I was in denial for quite some time of the fact that he could be the one i was waiting for. 



He wasn't my ideal man... but he seemed perfect for me.  Like we just fit in together, complimenting each other's emotional needs. I know that i still have a lot to discover about him but somehow i just knew that he was God's gift to me.

 My mind could not comprehend what my heart sincerely felt.  Or maybe i was blinded by so much fear... fear of opening my enclosed heart.  Yes, it was definitely fear.  I was so afraid to appreciate this person who was willing to love me for who I am. 

But there was another kind of fear within me.  I'm afraid that if i don't face up to my feelings for Noli... he might walk away. I might lose this chance to love and be loved for the rest of my life.   
And so after months of prayer and discernment, i finally opened my heart to my first boyfriend.  He came into my life at the right time and perfect moment believing that my heart was ready. 
I have fully entrusted everything to God and i have faith that He will take care of my heart. 


I can't wait to see how my own personal love story will be written with God as the author of it.  Eventhough I'm still in that stage of appreciating the first few pages, already i can't wait to follow every chapter as it unfolds. 


(original journal entry - October 2000)
 


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