LOVE
Now imagine this:
You meet someone you believe to be your destiny. Your eyes sparkle with joy. Your heart pounding uncontollably at the sight of this person. You feel that love is definitely all around.
But after a while... you lose the spark ... the magic disappears... and the love is gone. Then you begin to say things you wish you could take back. You regret ever meeting this person. You blame yourself for falling for the wrong one. You have this undeniable feeling that the relationship is going nowhere. You vow never to trust anyone ever again.
It is every person's dream to "live happily ever after" with their one true love. And in as much as we all dream of a "fairy tale-like" happy ending, this is not always the case in real life.
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| photo credits: breaking up photo - huffingtonpost.com |
HURT
First, we need to understand why relationships sometimes don't work out the way we hoped it would:
FALLING IN LOVE FOR THE WRONG REASONS AT THE WRONG TIME
"I don't want to be alone anymore"... "A new relationship is what I need to help me forget the pain of the previous one"... "I need someone to complete me"...
The right kind of love will happen at the right time and for the right reasons. The best time is when we are at our "best". It is not because we want or need someone, but it is because we are ready to love. Remember, the right person and a good relationship deserve our 100% wholeness and commitment. Having the right reason to love will also give us the conviction to fight for it no matter what.
LOVING TO "FEEL GOOD" INSTEAD OF LOVING TO 'BRING OUT" THE GOOD IN US AND THE BEST IN OUR RELATIONSHIP
"He's the one, I can feel it"... "I am excited about the idea of having a relationship"... "I am in love, because I feel good"
Yes, being in a relationship will actually make us feel good, but it's not enough. We should also be ready to bring out the good in us even in times when we are not actually "feeling good" about the relationship or the person we love. It's easy for us to fall in love but it is actually easier for us to fall out of it as well when we let feelings rule it over. Feelings can fade, choices may change, someone or something better can always come along, but the firm decision to love should last for a lifetime.
LOVE IS NOT WORTH GETTING HURT OVER
"I am afaid to get hurt"... "A relationship should always be happy, getting hurt is not an option"... "If I get hurt, it's over"...
As cliche as it may sound, but we grow more in loving when we learn to give love until it hurts. Pain is inevitable in any relationship. In fact, oftentimes we get hurt more by the very people closest to our hearts. But getting hurt should be nothing compared to the fulfillment of loving unconditionally, loving without expectations and loving without "keeping a record of wrongs". (1 Corinthians). The more we get hurt, the stronger we can become. The stronger we are, the more committed we are to fight for a relationship we believe is meant for us.
Relationships can either make or break us... it can be our greatest source of pain... but it can also be our best learning experience. It's up to us how we choose to move on.
HEAL
A broken heart is perhaps that most difficult thing to fix in this world. It takes time... it cannot be replaced in an instant... it is difficult to find just anyone to fix it for us... and once we do find a way to restore it, still it'll never be the same again.
Is there life after a broken heart? I honestly believe there is. It may not be easy to put the pieces back together, but it's also not impossible.
Face the Pain.
Some of us are afraid to acknowledge the pain we are going through. We deny that we've been hurt, for pain will only confirm the reality that we have lost someone.
We need to give ourselves time to face our pain. Cry it out. Express in ways that can help such as writing in a journal. Find a trusted confidante to talk to. But ofcourse, what's important is not to let depression get the better of us by losing control of our emotions.
Though we acknowledge that this is part of the process of healing, try not to prolong this stage. Once we have accepted that we have been hurt, release the pain and decide to let go.
Learn to love again - start by loving ourselves.
The best way to start is to open up ourselves to love again - start by rebuilding our self-worth, confidence and dignity as an individual. A broken relationship can shatter our world and put us down. But in order to start picking up the pieces, we need to make a decision to get back on track and learn from the experience.
Avoid making a list of what we have done wrong... making a mental note of all the "what could have beens"... or blaming ourselves for everything.
No matter whose fault it is, it takes two to make a relationship work. Even if we do know for sure that we are to blame, our faults shouldn't bring us down, rather it should give us the strength to change and strive to be a better person.
Surround ourselves with people who can fill up our life with love.
Even if we lose one person's love, it's not the end of the world. There are people who continue to care, to love and to give importance to us - our family and friends. Let us not detach ourselves from people who wants to reach out to us and affirm us of their presence.
Our world cannot revolve around one person - even if that person means the world to us.
Live. Forgive.
Live... discover ways to love our life inspite of the pain. Decide to live in the present. Learn from the past in order to make the most of today.
Forgive... both ourselves and the person who casued us pain. A heart that is willing to forgive is a heart that can be ready to trust again. Forgiveness will set us free - free from anger, resentment, bitterness and pain. Forgiveness will also open ourselves to learn to love again.
Is there life after a broken heart? I honestly believe there is. It may not be easy to put the pieces back together, but it's also not impossible.
Face the Pain.
Some of us are afraid to acknowledge the pain we are going through. We deny that we've been hurt, for pain will only confirm the reality that we have lost someone.
We need to give ourselves time to face our pain. Cry it out. Express in ways that can help such as writing in a journal. Find a trusted confidante to talk to. But ofcourse, what's important is not to let depression get the better of us by losing control of our emotions.
Though we acknowledge that this is part of the process of healing, try not to prolong this stage. Once we have accepted that we have been hurt, release the pain and decide to let go.
Learn to love again - start by loving ourselves.
The best way to start is to open up ourselves to love again - start by rebuilding our self-worth, confidence and dignity as an individual. A broken relationship can shatter our world and put us down. But in order to start picking up the pieces, we need to make a decision to get back on track and learn from the experience.
Avoid making a list of what we have done wrong... making a mental note of all the "what could have beens"... or blaming ourselves for everything.
No matter whose fault it is, it takes two to make a relationship work. Even if we do know for sure that we are to blame, our faults shouldn't bring us down, rather it should give us the strength to change and strive to be a better person.
Surround ourselves with people who can fill up our life with love.
Even if we lose one person's love, it's not the end of the world. There are people who continue to care, to love and to give importance to us - our family and friends. Let us not detach ourselves from people who wants to reach out to us and affirm us of their presence.
Our world cannot revolve around one person - even if that person means the world to us.
Live. Forgive.
Live... discover ways to love our life inspite of the pain. Decide to live in the present. Learn from the past in order to make the most of today.
Forgive... both ourselves and the person who casued us pain. A heart that is willing to forgive is a heart that can be ready to trust again. Forgiveness will set us free - free from anger, resentment, bitterness and pain. Forgiveness will also open ourselves to learn to love again.
Let Go and Let God.
To let go and to let God means that we are completely surrendering our pain to God and trusting that He knows whats best. There is no pain so great that God cannot heal. No heart so broken that He cannot restore... no life so empty that he cannot refill.
A relationship destined by God - if it's His will .. if it's His ultimate plan... nothing can ever break it apart. In any relationship blessed by God, the love will always be greater than the pain. A relationship that is written and authored by God will always find reasons to be strong amidst the pain.
Trust in God's plan for your love life.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." - Psalm 147:3
To let go and to let God means that we are completely surrendering our pain to God and trusting that He knows whats best. There is no pain so great that God cannot heal. No heart so broken that He cannot restore... no life so empty that he cannot refill.
A relationship destined by God - if it's His will .. if it's His ultimate plan... nothing can ever break it apart. In any relationship blessed by God, the love will always be greater than the pain. A relationship that is written and authored by God will always find reasons to be strong amidst the pain.
Trust in God's plan for your love life.
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." - Psalm 147:3
God is always ready to heal those who are willing to be healed. It may be a difficult process - it requires time, perseverance, commitment, dedication and faith.
But it will definitely be worth it! Once the right relationship comes, we will become stronger individuals who are not afraid to love. And we will have new and restored hearts to give to the one who deserves it.
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| photo credits: spiritualinspiration.tumblr |
More blogs on love and relationships in A Cup of Love Series by Coffee Moments with Sam...
Soon: The Right Blend Series (blogs on married life)
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